The Trilogy (2001)
part 2 EURO-logy
E U R O - l o g y
01 - Before GM:Declaration - UK (2:05)
T: Order, order ! (with stick !)
T: As an english teacher I very much appreciated that short play.
Good old home feelings and all that.
It clearly shows the superiority of english as a language.
Beautiful. Indeed. (all UK-english)
W: (knock, knock)
T: Do come in !
W: Hello, Sir. It's me, sir, Watson. (high voice, french-accent !)
T: Watson ! You're being late again ! (again)
W: Again, sir ? (e-gen)
T: Again ! (uh-gain)
May I be informed as to what the reasons are for your late attendance
this time, mr. Watson ?
12-year old disaster . . . .
W: It's the schoolbus again, sir. I'm sorry, sir. (e-gain)
But the driver refused to accept euros, sir. (zuh draiveur)
So I had to walk, sir.
T: And rightfully so, Watson.
Bloody euros. I prefer pounds and pennies.
W: May I remind you, sir, that the euro is a legal currency already, sir.
T: So I've noticed, Watson. Tell us more about it ! ! !
W: About the history, the participants,
the current state or the implications, sir ?
T: Dirty little creature !
Sit down, Watson !
W: Thank you, sir.
T: Shut up, Watson !
What's the subject matter for today's speech ? What's first ?
W: The European Onion, sir. (Zuh Uropian Onjon)
T: The whàt, Watson ?
'Zuh' European Onion, eh ?
Talking about the continentals, are you, Watson ?
W: Europe, sir !
T: So what about it, Watson ?
W: About the history, the participants, (zuh historie . . .)
the current state or the implications, sir ? (zuh empli-cations, zeurrr)
T: Dirty little creature. . . .
Stop making a fool out of me in front of the audiance, now will you ?
What's first, Watson ?
W: A french poem, sir.
T: Pòh, a whàt ? Watson ! French, eh ?
W: I'm afraid so, sir. (AimZu-freed-ZoZeur)
T: So am I, Watson, so am I. Froggy, eh ?
Well, let's get it over with quickly. Carry on . . . .
02 - Georges Moustaki:Declaration - FR (2:25)
Je déclare l'état de bonheur permanent
Et le droit de chacun à tous les privilèges.
Je dis que la souffrance est chose sacrilège
Quand il y a pour tous des roses et du pain blanc.
Je conteste la légitimité des guerres,
La justice qui tue et la mort qui punit,
Les consciences qui dorment au fond de leur lit,
La civilisation au bras des mercenaires.
Je regarde mourir ce siècle vieillissant.
Un monde différent renaîtra de ses cendres
Mais il ne suffit plus simplement de l'attendre :
Je l'ai trop attendu. Je le veux à présent.
Que ma femme soit belle à chaque heure du jour
Sans avoir à se dissimuler sous le fard
Et qu'il ne soit plus dit de remettre à plus tard
L'envie que j'ai d'elle et de lui faire l'amour.
Que nos fils soient des hommes, non pas des adultes
Et qu'ils soient ce que nous voulions être jadis.
Que nous soyons frères camarades et complices
Au lieu d'être deux générations qui s'insultent.
Que nos pères puissent enfin s'émanciper
Et qu'ils prennent le temps de caresser leur femme
C: Après toute une vie de sueur et de larmes
Et des entre-deux-guerres qui n'étaient pas la paix.
Je déclare l'état de bonheur permanent
Sans que ce soit des mots avec de la musique,
Sans attendre que viennent les temps messianiques,
Sans que ce soit voté dans aucun parlement.
C: Je dis que, désormais, nous serons responsables.
Nous ne rendrons de compte à personne et à rien
c: Et nous transformerons le hasard en destin,
Seuls à bord et sans maître et sans dieu et sans diable.
C: Et si tu veux venir, passe la passerelle.
Il y a de la place pour tous et pour chacun
c: Mais il nous reste à faire encore du chemin
Pour aller voir briller une étoile nouvelle.
(fort) Je déclare l'état de bonheur permanent.
c C Chante !
03 - Before Ange:LCLPLR - UK (1:35)
T: Froggy, eh ?
W: So indeed so very froggy, sir.
T: Shut up, Watson !
What's next ?
W: A french poem, sir.
T: Not froggy again, now do you hear, Watson ?
W: But it is in the script, sir.
T: Well. . . .
If you promise to come up with (. . .)
something completely different afterwards, Watson.
W: I will, sir, I will.
T: mYes . . .
Continental bla bla, eh, Watson ?
You spent too much time on the continent, Watson.
That's what spoiled you, I'm afraid.
W: Not entirely correct, sir.
T: Did I ask for your opinion, Watson ?
W: No, sir.
T: Well then, carry on.
You 12-year old catastrophe.
W: Thank you, sir.
T: What's this ''le Sjien, la Poebelie ee la Rosie'', eh ?
Oh, Watson, it makes me want to vomit, really.
W: I'm sorry, sir, but it's beautiful poetry though, sir.
T: ''Cuises de grénoulles'', eh, Watson ?
I'm not so fond on froggy frolic french fries.
W: But.
In Europe the French are our alies too, sir, after all.
T: Since when, Watson, since when ?
W: Since Waterloo, sir ?
T: Correct, Watson, correct.
Now listen, you started talking french in my classroom, didn't you ?
W: So indeed so very true, sir.
T: Shut up, Watson ! (eyes to heaven)
I will continue with this froggy piece of text, for a change. . .
W: (anxious, excited, perplexed)
You, sir ?
Are you sure ?
T: Of course !
Move away, Watson !
04 - Ange:Le Chien, La Poubelle et La Rose - FRUK (1:00)
T: (pronounce french text in UK-fashion, see example below)
(the Teacher reads this text out aloud, badgering Watson)
W: (shocked, perplexed etc.)
C'est à croire que le Chien
Affichait famine comme un vieux trouvère !
Vint à voir que Poubelle
Châtrait sa belle mine par un ventre ouvert
Les grands yeux gris du macadam
Tartinaient le drame
Chien pourlécha les épluchures
D'une langue obscure....
.... Sous le manteau du soir:
L'hiver sera toujours le villain compagnon de la faim !
C'est à croire que le chien
Affichait famine sous un réverbère !
Vit trop tard que Poubelle
Quittait sa belle mine à fond de misère !
La bête s'enfonça de plus belle
Que le rut fut cruel !
Se griffant sur une épine,
Il courba l'échine....
.... Sous le manteau du soir;
Hypnose, La Rose détourna le ruisseau du destin !
Seetakrwaar ke le sjeen
Affisjee famien kom oen vjeo troevur
vent a vwaar ke Poebellie
Sjatree sa bel mien par un ventrie oevurt
Les granddjeu due makadem
Tartinee le draam
Sjien poerlesja les eploesjuur
Doen langi obskjoer
. . Soe lee manto du swaar:
Liever seera toejoer lee vieleen kompanjon dee laa fem !
Seetakrwaar ke le sjeen
Affisjee famien soes un rievurbair
Vie tro taar ke Poubellie
Kietee sa bel mien a fondu mieser
La bet sanfonsa de plu belly
Ke le roe foe kroe-el !
See grifent seur oen epien,
Iel koerba leesjien. . .
. . . Soe lee manto doe swaar;
Iepnosy, La Rosy deetoerna lee rwieso doe destien !
05 - Before Spenser:Amoretii - UK (0:50)
T: (very arrogant)
W: (shocked, bends away sideways)
T: How was I, Watson ?
W: Perplexing, sir.
T: Pòh !
Per-plex-ing ?
W: Rather convincing, sir !
T: (sighs and frowns)
mYes !
(. .)
What's next ?
W: From home, sir.
T: Finally, Watson.
Well. . .
(. .)
Don't keep me waiting for some good old home feelings and all that.
W: It's from Edmund Spenser, sir.
T: Wait a second.
I know of him.
He lived from 1552 until 1599, Watson. (provoking, arrogant)
W: (trying to be mean too)
This Sonnet 75 of his was published in 1595, Sir.
And is called 'Amoretti', sir.
T: 'Emo-ret-tie', eh, sounds like spaghetti, Watson.
W: Mmjam, mjam (shakes his righthand tasty aside head)
T: (tries to hit him)
Don't you dear, Watson, do thàt ! ! !
W: May I continue, sir ?
T: (throat: grrrr)
You may, Watson
W: (So indeed so, sir)
T: (tries to hit him again, great angry eyes)
06 - Edmund Spenser:Amoretii - UK (1:15)
One day I wrote her name upon the strand,
But came the waves and washed it away:
Again I wrote it with a second hand,
But came the tide, and made my pains his prey.
"Vain man", said she, that does't in vain assay
A mortal thing so to immortalize,
For I myself shall like to this decay,
And eek my name be wiped out likewise.
"Not so", (quoth I), let baser things devise
To die in dust, but you shall live by fame:
My verse your virtues rare shall eternize,
And in the heavens write your glorious name,
Where whenas Death shall all the world subdue,
Our love shall live, and later life renew.
Sonnet 75 published in 1595
by Edmund Spenser (1552-1599)
07 - Before Paolo Conte:PQCV - UK (1:20)
T: All the more touchy, Watson !
W: So indeed so very delicate, sir. (délicat, zeur)
T: Oh, shut up, Watson !
I recognized the beauty of that sonnet very well, Watson.
W: But this was just the ''entrée'', sir.
T: The whàt, Watson ?
W: The first course, sir.
T: I mean, ''entrée'' you said, Watson ?
W: It's a regular english word, sir.
T: Pôh.
Watson, who is trying to educate whom here ?
W: (scratches his right ear)
Now comes the ''pièce de résistance'', sir.
T: The whàt, Watson ?
W: The main course, sir.
T: Stop trying to make a fool out of me in front of the audiance,
now will you, Watson ?
W: May I continue with this italian text, sir ?
T: Spaghetti, eh Watson, spaghetti ? (coming out of his left ear)
W: Mmmmmm ! (shakes right hand tasty waving aside head)
T: (. .)
I lost two uncles in the war, Watson,
one stepped on an italian mine during the battle for Tubruk.
W: I feel sorry for you, sir.
But
In Europe the Italians are our alies too, sir, after all.
T: Since when, Watson, since when ?
W: Since Anzio, sir ?
T: Quite correct, Watson.
You may continue.
(hand indicating)
08 - Paolo Conte:Per Quel Che Vale - IT (0:50)
(coi occhiali da sole ! non dimenticarli !)
Vita d'artista. . . .
come l'ho vista. . . ho detto:
questa è la mia. . . .
ma cosa resta ?. . . tutto inventato,
e regalato a chi ?. . . ma. . . ?
r: Ti frusti il corpo
col fiore di
un bel ricordo cosi. . . .
l'amore di un giorno
ha deciso già
di allontanarsi di qua. . . .
che decadenza. . . la realtà. . .
che differenza. . . un giorno fa. . .
per quel che vale. . .
è un fatto mio. . .
e chiudo gli occhi all'oblio. . . .
r: vuol dire ripetere quando sia una pianista
09 - Before ABocelli:ToMyFather - UK (1:35)
T: (spaghetti coming out of his ears)
W: ((smikkel, smak) righthand shaking aside his head)
T: Dirty little creature !
How dare you, Watson ?
W: What's on, sir ?
T: Pòh ! (frowns and looks severe)
W: May I ask you for a favour, sir ? (ee feeveur seur ?)
T: It depends, Watson, it depends.
W: Would you like to read this text out aloud, sir ?
T: Let me see.
Ah, an english text, finally.
Well in that case I see no harm in it, Watson.
W: It is a translation into english, sir. (la translation (Fr))
T: A trànslation, Watson. (translation (UK))
W: Yes, sir, that's what I just said. (djoest zed)
But the original is of an italian nature, sir.
T: Of a spaghetti nature, eh, Watson ?
But I will do it.
Nonetheless.
W: A bit ''apazzionato'', please, sir ! (ee biet . . .)
T: Pòh !
A bit whàt, Watson ?
Talking about passion, eh ?
The 12-year old creature is talking about passion ! (finger pointing)
W: I'm sorry, sir.
T: Funny little man, this Watson is.
I would gladly see him executed on the courtyard of this school.
Tomorrow afternoon.
Just before tea.
W: You are being very mean, sir.
T: You mean me, Watson ?
W: So indeed so very mean, sir.
T: Shut up, Watson !
Let me carry on, now will you ?
10 - Andrea Bocelli:To my father - UK (1:30)
T: (proclaims text: very irritating and arrogant, badgering Watson)
T: May 6th, Nineteen-hundred nineteen-two (1992)
W: 19-92, sir !
T: (furious !)
Dear father
It's useless to argue
We'll never agree
There's nothing strange with that
30 years separate us
Or maybe
You are afraid
Not to find the strength
To stand by my side
If the obstacles should stop me.
Don't worry, listen to me
I may have problems
I may face infamous people but
T: (looking appalled at Watson, sideways)
Nothing shall scare me
Nothing shall corrupt me
Nothing in the world
Will make me forget that
I can win
And I want to make it on my own
And I want to make it on my own.
I know it's difficult for you
To justify
Such a restless impatience to fight
To dare the impossible.... I know
You'll find it incredible
But the more I think about it the more I realise
I am really like you
And you don't know how I wish
Your strength will never leave you
To have you next to me
And never surrender
Never.
T: 'Tsiajo Baboo' : Ciao Babbo
'Ee prestooo' : A presto
11 - Before ABocelli:A mio padre - UK (0:55)
T: (very arrogant and irritating)
Passion ?
There you have it.
W: (shocked and flabbergasted)
T: (to the loo with his left-hand fingers)
I'm going to wash my hands, Watson.
I should not move an instant away from you, Watson.
But.
I prefer not to listen to any spaghetti bla bla or whatsoever, Watson.
So, there you have me.
W: I will keep it quiet, sir, meanwhile.
T: Pòh.
Quiet.
Watson, you ?
You're not serious, you problemchild, you.
W: But I will, sir, I will.
T: mYes
See you in a minute, Watson.
(moves away)
W: Goodbye, sir.
'Till soon , sir.
Thank you, sir.
(Watson is finally alone with the audiance)
(Watson very relieved)
W: Pòh, he says.
Puh, I say.
Well.
Let's continue with that italian text before he returns.
12 - M.Malvassi/A.Bocelli:A mio padre - IT (1:25)
(coi occhiali da sole ! non dimenticarli !)
6 Maggio 1992
Caro Babbo
Inutile discutere
D'accordo non saremo mai
Che cosa c'è di strano in ciò
Trent'anni ci separano
O forse
C'è il timore in te
Di non trovare più la forza
D'essere al mio fianco
Se gli ostacoli mi fermano.
Non preoccuparti, ascoltami
Avrò problemi
Affronto infami ma
Niente mi spaventerà
Niente mi corromperà
Niente al mondo
Mi farà scordare che
Posso vincere
E voglio farcela da me. (2x)
So bene che per te è difficile
Giustificare
Questa smania di combattere
Osare l'impossibile.... Lo so
Ti sembrerà incredibile
Ma più ci penso più m'accorgo che
Assomiglio proprio a te
E non sai come vorrei
Che la forza non ti abandonasse mai
Per averti qui
E non arrendermi
Mai !
Ciao Babbo
A presto
(idea: BackStreetBoy saying 'Blast !' or 'Blimey!' or 'Bloody Arnauds!')
(T:Who was that ?, W: Not me, sir !)
13 - Watson alone - UK (1:40)
W: Now that he is away, I have just some time to smoke a cigarette.
We'll have a 5-minute break, right here. Follows a commercial too.
Bye, bye, till then. . . (tiel zen !)
W: (smoking a cigarette, high voice, french accent: don't forget !)
( - - > here starts the music from Grolsch CD: track 10
( - - > Vakmanschap is meesterschap Dick Bakker/London Studio Orch.)
W: (finishes his cigarette)
W: Yes, I was in Europe, in Belgium, for a long time, nearly 7 years.
Because my father has been active for Europe as a parliamentarian.
Upon our return to the OK however I was sent to this public school.
Because my english pronunciation has been altered slightly a bit
due to my long stay in Bruxelles. (french Bruxelles !)
So, since two years I have him as my english teacher now.
The moment the teacher noticed that I was european-minded
he started his campaign to humiliate me. . .
He is a true right-wing pillar of society.
He is a follower of Thatcherism. Yes. 'I-want-my-money-back-ism' !
Well.
He is afraid of the changes brought about in Europe.
I understand his arguements quite well though.
I mean.
A united Europe has many advantages, like I say.
But, by democratic standards the European Onion is far from mature yet. Like he says.
I must admit.
Too many decisions are taken top-down.
That might become counter-productive.
The Danish 'NEJ' and the Irish 'NO' might be followed by a British 'NI' !
I hope not. (pronounce NEJ/NO like in 'Knights of NI')
(TIP: Ask people to cry 'NI !' the moment this line is uttered . . .)
Yes, the introduction of the euro will lead to
considérable (flen flain flon) inflation. (NOTE: this line is french !)
But the new currency will stabilize and become a bless to all of us.
I believe.
(looking to the left)
Well.
I have to stop philosophizing now.
There he is. (zer hie ies !)
14 - Before Intermezzo - UK (0:55)
T: Who was thàt, Watson ?
W: Me, sir.
T: And who else, Watson ?
W: Myself, sir.
T: Anyone more, Watson ?
W: I, sir.
T: All three of you, eh, Watson ?
Now tell me what did you all do ?
W: When I am me, sir, I feel like myself !
T: (taking severe posture, shocked, thinking in a mean way)
Now look here, Watson.
As you are the underdog, I must be the topdog here.
Right, Watson ?
W: (hesitates and reflects)
So indeed so very cunning, sir.
T: Got you on that one, didn't I ?
So . . . .
Shut up, Watson !
Dirty little creature.
You are more of a distorted continental european
than of a thoroughbred englishman.
It's a pitty, but he is a loss.
(triomphant)
15 - Intermezzo - UK (0:20)
T: What's this, Watson ?
Page intentionally left blank, eh ?
W: It means you have to improvise, sir.
T: Why me ?
W: Because you are being payed for by this school, sir. (mean, cunning)
T: PTO, Watson ! (severe)
W: I have invented a new english word, sir !
T: Ah, you keep suprising me, Watson.
Well, tell me.
W: Flarting, sir !
T: Pòh, flarting ?
W: It means flirting with a fart, sir.
T: Watson, you're a disgusting little creature. (appaled)
W: I found it very funny, sir.
T: PTO, Watson !
16 - Before Child 5 year: MyProblem - UK (1:10)
T: mYes.
What's next, Watson ?
W: A translation into english, sir.
But the original is of a dutch nature, sir.
T: Pôh ! Dutch !
A bit cheesy, eh, Watson ?
Funny dialect, dutch, I mean.
''Ggrrttvrrddrr. Skivuh-ninkuh. Filé-probliem. Polter-mottel. Goetentagg''
W: You are familiar with some of the dutch items, sir, I notice.
T: mYes. I nearly injured my tongue.
W: The next text is by a five-year old child, sir.
My dutch uncle gave it to me last summer.
I prepared a translation, sir.
T: Your dutch uncle, eh, Watson ? (eyes towards heaven, shakes head)
W: Correct, sir.
Furthermore.
I have a tape here with one of his recordings, sir.
It is interesting material, sir.
T: It most certainly is, Watson. (amused)
Well.
That is, ìf you understand dutch, of course. . . (severe)
W: So indeed so very well put, sir.
T: Shut up, Watson !
I will read out the english version instead of you.
Resistance is futile, little man.
Move away.
(. .) Well.
17 - Child 5year: My Problem - UK (1:20)
T: (very irritating and provoking)
* My problem ? I can better sketch than tell:
*
* It is like the blades of grass between the tiles in the garden.
* They start in the soil and want to go to the sun.
* That's very difficult because the tiles are cold and hard.
* There is few space in between.
*
* But if you exert to the utmost, you'll succeed.
* If you finally see the sun, sudden danger emerges.
* Because tall people don't want no grass between the tiles.
T: And rightfully so.
* They cut off the blades, or tear them out.
T: Of course !
* And then you have to start all over again.
T: mmmYes.
* They do not understand.
T: Aaaahh.
* That's my problem.
T: Oooohh.
T: (self-kicking, irritating)
This text is quite moving indeed, Watson.
W: (flabbergasted, bends away in despair, great eye-balls)
So indeed so very moving, sir. (meuving, zeur)
T: Shut up, Watson.
Well, let's have it.
The dutch version, I mean. (both fingers in his ears).
W: Very funny, sir.
T: mYes.
Dutch, eh, Watson.
W: I'm afraid so, sir.
T: So am I, Watson, so am I. (mean)
A most disturbing dialect.
W: Language, sir.
Dutch is a proper language of its own !
T: Says who, Watson ?
W: Me, sir.
T: mYes.
Carry on.
(ordering)
18 - Child 5year: My Problem - NL (0:40+0:55)
AR: (play a young child, with a baseball-hat sideways (sailor-cloths ca. 1900))
Mijn probleem ? Dat kan ik beter tekenen dan zeggen:
Het is net als de grassprietjes tussen de tegels in de tuin.
Ze beginnen in de grond en willen naar de zon toe.
Dat is heel moeilijk, want de tegels zijn koud en hard.
Er is weinig ruimte tussen.
Maar als je je erg inspant, lukt het wel.
Als je dan eindelijk de zon ziet is er gevaar.
Want grote mensen willen geen gras tussen de tegels.
Ze snijden de sprietjes af, of rukken ze uit.
En dan moet je weer opnieuw beginnen
Ze begrijpen het niet.
Dat is mijn probleem
T: ''Ggggggrottvrrddrr'', eh, Watson ?
W: Sounds like it, sir
T: Dutch, eh, Watson ?
W: So indeed so very dutch, sir.
T: Shut up, Watson.
The Dutch are quite a peculiar breed of continentals, to my opinion.
W: In Europe the Dutch are our alies too, sir, after all.
T: Since when, Watson, since when ?
W: Since the Boer-war, sir ?
T: Wrong, Watson, wrong !
Since the Great War and to be more precise.
Eversince the English and the Dutch invented such marvelous institutions
like Shell, Unilever, Lloyd's etc.
And just quite recently Corus, DAFted, Arriva.
W: I didn't know, sir.
(puts his right finger in his nose)
T: Stay out of your nose, Watson. (appaled)
Go wash your hands !
Dirty little creature.
W: I'm sorry, sir.
It just happened.
T: Bugger off, Watson !
(Watson has gone to the loo, smoking . . . )
T: Well. . . .
W: Thank you, sir ! (intends to smoke)
19 - Teacher alone - UK (1:30+1:30)
T: Finally alone.
The creepy creature is away for a little while.
(later: T: 'I mean, the right honourable young gentleman . . .')
To my big relief.
Good heavens.
His euro-fanatacism is appalling.
Bloody European Onion !
T: And mr. Watson has the sheer guts to display,
rather emphasize,
his anti-euro-scepticism in my classroom.
The little creature is actually attacking my point of view !
That is;
Europe is nonsense, (Y)
the Euro is nonsense, (Y)
Brussel's central government is nonsense, (Y)
all the Euro-bla bla is nonsense. (Y)
A united Europe is all bla bla to me. (Y)
But the funny creature does not stop to try to convince me
that constructing the European Onion is the only way
To avoid a major conflict on this continent again .
Well.
Perhaps that euro-creature is right. (N)
But I prefer to die rather than being subject to foreign directives.
And nice mr. Blur comes up with that referendum of his about the Euro.
We, British, paying with euros and thinking in kilograms and meters ?
The thought of it alone is most disturbing. (Y)
I hope the Euro will never be accepted here.
According to mr. Watson the Euro is the next logical step
in the proces of becoming a political onion as well.
Mr. Watson hopes the European Onion will become a Federal Onion.
Like the gerries have already ! (appaled)
Heaven forbid. (Y)
In the end Brussels might decide
that we drive on the wrong side of the road. (N)
That would bring about sheer chaos. (Y)
Mark my words ! (Order ! 2x)
(- - -> Perhaps later on: build Yea and Nea in, sounding like UK-parliament)
(- - - >Chairman with wig: 'Order, order !' (banging on the table))
W: (knock, knock (bang twice on the table))
T: Ah. Well. There he is, mr. Euro himself.
Do come in, mr. Watson (being very kind !?)
W: Thank you, sir.
T: (Snif, snif) Have you been smoking on the toilet again, mr. Watson ?
W: Not me, sir !
T: Tobacco only, I hope, mr. Watson ?
W: Tobacco only, sir, to-bac-co on-ly. (betraying himself)
T: mYes. (triomphant, subtile and mean)
Tobacco only, eh, Watson ?
So you have been smoking indeed, haven't you, mr. Watson.
W: Well, I have to admit, sir. Yes.
T: I'd rather have you shot for this, Watson.
W: You are being very mean, sir.
T: You mean me, Watson ?
W: So indeed so very mean, sir.
T: Shut up, Watson !
Well.
Start the tape your dutch uncle gave to you.
And. . . pass the ear-tabs, please, mr. Watson.
W: Very funny, sir.
You should have become a comedian instead. (:soft/whispering)
T: What did you say, Watson ? (while removing the ear-tabs)
W: Nothing whatsoever, sir. . . . nothing, really.
T: mYes. (looking severe)
Carry on !
20 Arnaud Rasing alone - NL (1:30)
(Dit gedeelte alleen voor NL-publiek en lange versie= de Trilogie !)
AR: (hete aardappel in de keel, beetje Pr. Bernard-achtig)
AR: Houdt U vast !
Ach, carpe diem, zeg ik altijd maar weer, want tempus fugit, toch ?
Maar nil admirari je nergens over, da's nergens voor nodig.
AR: Graag wil ik het woord geven aan
Sergeant-Majoor b.d. van Raasbeeren tot Raasdonck, (op adem komen)
(. .) die zo'n exceptioneel belangrijke rol heeft gespeeld
bij de systematische,
en werkelijk perfect uitgevoerde,
(. .) liquidatie van de hoofdschuldigen
aan het Srebrenica-debâcle.
(. .) Waarvoor hij,
overigens zeer terecht,
behangen is geworden met het kruis van verdienste
in de Orde van Oranje Blanje Bleu en voorts,
(. .) tot grote tevredenheid van zijne Majesteit,
ook nog geridderd is geworden geweest
in de Orde van de Gulden Snede.
Sinds zijn pensioenering geeft hij als raadsheer van de kroon advies over
(. .) hoe de Neo-Liberale Non-Conformistische Partij Nederland te bestrijden
en verder ook over
(. .) hoe de invloed te beperken van de lokale rood-groen-zwarte rasta-clubs.
Wij horen hem hier bij het afscheid van zijn onderdeel.
Welke een werkelijk hoogst emotionele gebeurtenis was.
Welnu. . . ik start de vidéo. . .
( - - > SMbd : Omkleden, militaire jas + baret)
( - - > SMbd : Over de Muur)
SM: Mannen, spijkerbroeken en milva's.
Luis-tert en hui-vert !
Ik ben Ser-geant-Majoor van Raas-beeren tot Raas-donck,
51 punt 50 jaar en dus pen-si-oen-ge-rech-tigd.
Zo-waar de Staat mij bij sta !
Ik speel een Klein Or-kest na en klim Over de Muur.
21 - SM: Klein Orkest (Over de Muur) - NL (1:45)
SM: Oost-Ber-lijn, Unter den Lin-den
Er wandelen men-sen langs vlag-gen en vaan-dels
waar Lenin en Marx nog steeds op 'n voet-stuk sta-haan
En ieder-een werkt, ha-mers en sik-kels
Ter-wijl in parade-pas de wacht wordt ge-wis-seld
Veer-tig jaar so-ci-alis-me
Er is in die tijd veel be-reikt
Maar wat is nou die heil-staat als er muren om-heen sta-haan ?
Als je bang bent, voor-zich-tig met je me-ning moet om-ga-haan
Ach, wat is nou die heil-sta-haat
Zeg mij, wat is die wa-haard ?
Wan-neer ie-mand die af-wijkt voor gek wordt ver-kla-haard.
T: (pushes stop-button)
Fast forward, please, mr. Watson !
W: I beg your pardon, sir ? (your pardoen, zeur ?)
T: Don't argue, Watson, just do it !
W: (looks sour, presses FF-button reluctantly)
( En alleen de vogels vlie-gen van Oost- naar West-Ber-lijn
( Worden niet te-rug-ge-flot-en, ook niet neer-ge-scho-ten
( SM: Da's nou jammer !
( Over de Muur, over 't Ijz-er-en Gor-dijn
( West-Ber-lijn, de Kur-für-sten-dam
( Er wande-len men-sen langs por-no en peep-show
( Waar Mer-ce-des en Co-la nog steeds op 'n voet-stuk sta-haan
( En de neon-rek-lames die glit-ter-en, lok-ken
( Kom dan-sen, kom e-ten, kom zui-pen, kom gok-ken
( Dat is nou veer-tig jaar vrij-heid
( Er is in die tijd veel be-reikt
( Maar wat is nou die vrij-heid zon-der huis, zon-der ba-haan
( Zo-veel Tur-ken in Kreuz-berg die am-per kun-nen besta-haan
( Goed, je mag de-mon-stre-ren, maar met je rug te-gen de muur
W: (Eager to push the play-button on the tape-recorder set !)
SM: En al-leen als je geld hebt, is de vrij-heid niet duur.
En de vo-gels vlie-gen van West- naar Oost-Ber-lijn
Wor-den niet te-rug-ge-flo-ten, ook niet neer-ge-scho-ten
SM: Da's nou jammer ! Al weer niet ! (misprijzend).
Over de Muur, over 't Ij-ze-ren Gor-dijn
Om-dat ze soms in 't Oost-en
Soms ook in 't Wes-ten wil-len zijn
Om-dat er brood ligt soms bij de Ge-dächt-nis-kir-che
Soms op 't Ko-ning Alex-ander-plein
SM: Leve de koning ! (hand omhoog)
22 - Arnaud Rasing 2 - NL (0:55)
(de militaire jas uit, baret af, weer de arro-bal spelen)
AR: Gopserd !
Ik ben toch zo verrotte trots op deze man.
Wat 'n rots, wat 'n kanjer !
Door dat soort mensen voel ik mij nog steeds veilig in dit landje.
Vol met regenten.
Vol met centen.
Vol met rente.
Ja, ja, in mij schuilt echt wel een dichter.
(Verkorte versie komt pas op dit punt in ! Scheelt 3 minuten !)
AR: Wat heb ik nu dan aan mijn fiets hangen ?
Zeg, jongeman, wil je onverwijld dit pand verlaten ?
(let op ! accent wisseling: nimweegs waterkwartier jochie 19jr.: Sjonnie )
NYM: Wat ?
Wat moet jij nou ? (Wa mo jee nou ?)
AR: Jongeman, wil je weggaan ?
NYM: Nou moet jij even luisteren ! (Na moe jei effe luusteruh)
Geef mijn fiets terug ! (Gif mein fiets trug)
Reure aardbei !
AR: Nou hoor zeg ! Ik bel nu de politie !
NYM: Wa ? Heur ak da goet, ga jei de woutekiet belluh ?
Jei hep wel lef heur !
Jei ken ook niet tegen 'n geintje. . . .
Nou doei, hè, hou je, hà !
(let op ! accent wisseling: hete aardappel in de keel)
AR: Tsss. Zomaar een inbreker in mijn studiootje.
Ongehoord . . zeg !
Maar goed.
Op naar de volgende buitengewone eigenaardigheid .
Over 'Himmelhoch jauchzend und zum Tode betrübt' enzo.
Als je de Duitse ziel überhaupt wil leren begrijpen,
luistert dan vooral naar Nina Hagen ! (Haa-gen, soft 'g')
Zij is als voorbeeld bepaaldelijk buitengewoon aardig. . .
(- - - > Nina Hagen: Der Spinner)
23 - Nina Hagen:Der Spinner - DE (1:35)
Ich lauf den Bahnsteig 'lang und weiß nicht
ob ich hier wegfahr oder was.
Eh, kuk mahl, da kommt 'n Schnellzug und fährt weiter.
'n Bulle von der Bahn taucht auf.
Ich halt den Brief in meiner Hand fest.
Da steht du füllst dich tot wie Stein....
Und das du dir jetzt im Wald suchst
um dir im Moß 'n Bett zu bauen.
Dein Riesensaxofon ist natürlich auch da.
Und Flöten.
Flöten solln auf der Wiese wachsen.
Die alte Frau bezahlt mit Kleingeld.
Wir warten auf den nächsten Zug.
Ich frag die Alte woh der Wald ist.
Sie sagt (high voice)
'Mein Udo ist schon lange tot...'
In meiner Tasche klebtn Bonbon.
Wir steigen ein in unserem Zug.
Bei Wertheim gab es Salamander.
Ich bring dir einen mit ins Moß.
=*=
Als ich in Hamburg ausm Zug steig.
Lauf ich durch Straßen biß zur Elbe hin.
'Down to the river'.
Ej !
Na endlich da seh' ich dich am Ufer stehen.
Ich fass dich an und so
Du hörst nix.
Du saxst (low voice)
'du mußt zum andern Ufer,
die Fähre fährt am nächsten Tag'.
Ich dachte daß du tief im Wald wohnst.
ICH WUSSTE NICHTS VON DEINEN UFERN.....
24 - After Nina Hagen - UK (1:00)
(twin jacket T/W has to be worn again here. . .)
T: (pushes button to turn the tape-recorder off)
Bloody gerry, eh ?
It sounded like german, Watson, it hurts my ears.
W: So indeed so very gerry, sir.
T: Oh, shut up, Watson !
Listen ! I lost two uncles in the war.
One stepped on a gerry mine.
During the landing at Juno Beach on D-day, Watson.
W: I feel sorry for you, sir.
But . . . (Boet !)
T: My aunts we were being sent to Coventry back then.
They suffered heavily from heavy gerry bombing.
They have been hospitalized on several occasions.
W: I know, sir, I'm sorry, sir
But . . . (Boet !)
T: But whàt, Watson ?
W: In Europe the Germans are our alies too, sir, after all.
T: Pòh !
Since when, Watson, since when ?
W: Since Neurenberg, sir ?
T: It may be correct, Watson.
I hope you are right on this one.
W: So indeed so very neccesary, sir.
T: (Reflective, eyes towards heaven, reflective 'heaven forbid !')
mYes !
mWell. . .
25 - Before Gainsbarre - UK (1:30)
T: We have 5 minutes left (.) before we take a break.
I'm going to the pub nearby.
I fancy a pint. . .
W: Me too, sir. (Mie teu, seur)
T: Not you, Watson ! (surprised)
12-year old alcoholic !
You'll be having a soda.
W: Shall I finish with this, sir ? (looks sour)
T: Let me see.
Oh, no, Watson, not froggy again !
Who is this 'Surgie Geinsborough' anyway ?
W: He's funny, sir.
T: Wait a minute ! (reflecting)
I know of him ! (very cunning, shrude)
''Je teem moi non pluu'', eh, Watson !
W: How d'you know, sir ?
T: Have you been listening to thàt music, Watson ?
W: I'm afraid so, sir. (bending away, afraid)
T: With whom, Watson, with whom ?
W: With I, me and myself, sir. (Wiz ai, mie end maizelv)
T: All three of you, eh.
A most disturbing thought. (appalled)
You're disgusting, Watson.
W: I'm sorry, sir. (feeling truely guilty)
T: mWell.
I long for an end to this, Watson.
W: So indeed so very disturbing, sir. (dies-tur-bieng, zeur)
T: Shut up, Watson ! (mouth moves, whispering)
Carry on !
And finish it off, now will you ? (a bit angry)
26 - Serge Gainsbourg:Elle est si - FR (1:00)
AR: B'alors !
Comme je l'adore ce monsieur Gainsbarre !
Lui, malheuresement decédé. . . .
à la Brigade des Stups, (sévere, j'accuse !)
sous circonstances suspectes ! (sévere, j'accuse !)
Tiens ! (souri ! loué)
Voila !
Elle est si grosse
Que je lui dis vous
Elle est si chatte
Que je lui dis mou
Elle est si laide
Que je lui dis BOU !
Elle est si "lady"
Que je lui dis "you"
Elle fainéasse
Je lui dis "do something"
Remue tes roudoudous
Elle somnole
Je lui fais HOU !
Elle sursaute et fais la moue
Elle est si bête
Faut lui dire tout
Elle est si lourde
Faut lui dire òu !
Elle est si tiède
Et moi qui bout
Je veux remettre ça
Elle m'dit des clous
Elle en veut tellement
Je lui dis pouce
Et pour souffler je lui lis Proust
Elle est si con
Je lui dis pousse
Toi d'la ça suffit !
Allez OUST !
27 - Epilogue - UK (1:20)
T: Have a break, Watson, have a kit-kat !
I fetch a pint. I fancy a bitter.
W: For me a pernod on the rocks, sir.
T: No, Watson, you're not permitted.
(. . .)
W: (hoisting the EU-flag)
T: Watson, what are you doing ?
W: I'm hoisting the flago of the European Onion, sir. (zuh flago)
T: Stop that immediately, Watson !
Bring that flag down !
W: I refuse, sir, I will not surrender ! (defiant, standing firm, fiery eyes)
T: Pòh !
You're hopeless !
Don't you see that this flag symbolically represents
liberty, egality and fraternity
on an European level, Watson ?
(reflecting, sorrowful, melancholic, looking towards heaven)
It looks as if the French, with the Gerries (!),
have become dominant in Europe at last.
Perhaps, we British have been concentrating
on ruling the waves for too long
and have thereby missed the European boat,
so to speak.
(back on earth)
Well.
My throat needs some cooling.
As do my brains.
Bye, bye, Watson. Little man.
I'm off. . . .
W: I'm afraid that we'll meet again, sir, pretty soon. (prettie seun)
But. (boet)
Meanwhile, this beautiful flago will remain in top.
For better and for worse. . . (Flag is hoisted and in top)
W: VIVE L'ONION D'EUROPE !
ET
VIVE L'EURO !
PUB: POLKA !
© 2001/2005 VHP-Arnaud Rasing
legenda:
( ) acteur
(.) korte pauze
(..) pauze
(...) lange pauze
{ } publiek
(lo) low
(hi) high
W: Watson
T: Teacher
RR: Rev.Rascall
AR: Arnaud
PUB: Publiek
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